AOE 3 Review

I am glad I bought this used. I tell you what, I never in my life thought this day would come, that I had expected too much from one of the age of empires games, but holy shit was I above and beyond what I should have been. There are many parts to this game, mind you, it just so happened that they all just kind of sucked. If you are thinking about buying this game, I would highly suggest you just steal it or borrow it from a friend, because if you buy it, you will already have invested far too much, and will probably not get the return you were expecting.

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To start with, and I know it’s something that I take for granted now a days, but would someone please explain why cameras are so close to the ground in these games? I have the ability to select 50 units at a time, and can barely fit the entire crew together in the screen, let alone if you are moving your units around. I really started feeling claustrophobic and we all know that is not something you wont to convey when you are playing a game… unless its thief, which sucked.

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I really want to say something nice about this game, because otherwise I’m going to feel like a choad, so let’s get this out of the way early. Cannons, + foot soldiers == GREAT! Haha, It’s the most amazing thing I have seen in a long time. Cannons go boom, bodies fly. It reminds me of watching old civil war battles. Hundreds of folks in red coats marching towards cannons, and watching heads and large iron balls flying through the air, bringing us to the next point…

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200 unit cap, by default. Well, when you lose soldiers at the pace one guy that I played against did, it really wasn’t too fair for me to point out, but Microsoft had made this game, and they made it dumbed down. I have not been able to get the 85+ fps out of the game, even with graphics turned down, but its god aweful if I turn them all the way up, which I did, and turned fraps on too for the screens. You will see that there are quite a few, if not all that are below the minimum of 25fps for smooth refreshing, but I guess this all means its just time for me to upgrade… again.

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There are a number of unit caps. Mainly around the ones that people would be using the most, like bombarding units, and I have to let you all know this, I defended an entire base with nothing but 12 field guns, so please don’t let anyone tell you that they are massing an assault. Chances are if you have the dough to build 12 field guns you already won.

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The single player campaigns revolve around a really lame story about the fountain of youth and circle of some dumb shit that I didn’t care to remember. The main reason I bring this up is to let you know that there are more cut scenes and levels that you have to load than there are actual battles. I was really feeling under appreciated, so I guess we all have to do something other than blow villagers around the map, right?

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No scale 1-5, none of this shit about it being two thumbs up. I am going to try to make this clear as possible, so no one can attribute my thoughts to anything less worth while. My scale is as follows: Buy, Rent, Steal, Download, don’t bother, in that order. If you like the AOE series, try to snag it from a friend that works at game stop and loves collecting meaningless pieces of shit that make you want to pull your hair out, otherwise, don’t bother. This title wont be converting anyone.