The wonders of holidays…

Monday was spent relaxing in front of the boob tube trying to find something interesting with my dad. We came across a rather interesting episode of Oprah about a book called Eat Pray Love or some garbage. This woman basically writes a book about how we are supposed to be selfish from time to time and the entire audience of women seem to grok some previously unknown connection to other women. Quotes range from “there are many kinds of selfish” to “you do so much for other people, why don’t you do something for yourself,” to  “How does learning to skydive hurt anyone” are tossed around and then I had enough.

This nut ball lady decided to go on a spiritual trip, and im sure you guys can connect with why I hate her already, in which she came to the realization that she had to let go of the negativity and learn to be a person. I leapt into a diatribe about how stating the obvious was certainly one of the most productive routes to being able to get people to follow you, it’s almost as though they are able to say “I thought about that too!” and suddenly they are as amazing as you, basking in the glow of… well I am just as smart as her. What is this woman actually saying though? Oprah, a wildly popular woman who went from fat ass to front of the camera personality for television and a channel of her own to rival the absurdity and paranoia of lifetimes movie selection, is accepting of the concepts behind pseudo-science. Prayer, Obsession with weight, and so many of her guests are all seen as the silver bullet. Its odd though, in my field we have an essay from 1975 which says that not only is there no silver bullet, but there is never going to be one. Go figure.

People have laid out money for these lame folks to come put their foot in their mouths and watched them fail miserably. People shooting lasers out of their eyes or stupid fucks trying to con old ladies and grieving parents out of their money, it’s all bullshit. So why the fuck do people latch on to this shit? It baffles me, to think that all women want to have is a book that tells them they are devoting their time and energy to the wrong person, assuming that they do, and that they are the only one.

I’ll leave you with a piece by Douglas Adams about paranoia.

“So there you have it,” said Slartibartfast, making a feeble and perfunctory attempt to clear away some of the appalling mess of his study. He picked up a paper from the top of a pile, but then couldn’t think of anywhere else to put it, so he but it back on top of the original pile which promptly fell over. “Deep Thought designed the Earth, we built it and you lived on it.”

“And the Vogons came and destroyed it five minutes before the program was completed,” added Arthur, not unbitterly.

“Yes,” said the old man, pausing to gaze hopelessly round the room. “Ten million years of planning and work gone just like that. Ten million years, Earthman … can you conceive of that kind of time span? A galactic civilization could grow from a single worm five times over in that time. Gone.” He paused.

“Well that’s bureaucracy for you,” he added.

“You know,” said Arthur thoughtfully, “all this explains a lot of things. All through my life I’ve had this strange unaccountable feeling that something was going on in the world, something big, even sinister, and no one would tell me what it was.”

“No,” said the old man, “that’s just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the Universe has that.”

“Everyone?” said Arthur. “Well, if everyone has that perhaps it means something! Perhaps somewhere outside the Universe we know …”

“Maybe. Who cares?” said Slartibartfast before Arthur got too excited. “Perhaps I’m old and tired,” he continued, “but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied. Look at me: I design coastlines. I got an award for Norway.”

-Douglas Adams