Women – Why I am still single…

When women write me they usually include some sort of questionnaire about how single and loving I am, but rarely do they include the meaningful questions. Am I single and do I want to not be? Well, I am here to let you all know that not only am I single I am intending not to be, by the end of the year. Please take a few minutes to jump on over to dating.gneu.org and fill out the form to be added to the listing.

Just Kidding.

=)

I have been writing a series on things I love and hate about the opposite sex and have really run aground with things over the last 4 – 5 months. Women continue to confuse the shit out of me and I continue being addicted to porn, as a few of you have noticed in my RSS feeds. I have always had an unhealthy addiction to the curves of the female body, to the point that it is now hindering my ability to function as a human being. I may be a guy – read “I think about sex about 94 times a day“- but life is becoming quite a stressful endeavor. Allow me to sexplain. Er… explain, sorry!

In a recent return flight I met a woman. She had a great smile and a fantastic personality. Her green eyes absolutely killed me. I was instantly obsessed. Her smooth cocoa skin was purely decadent. I remember being swept off into the bathroom of the jet liner to join the mile high club, and the most terrible part was that I woke up. My room is bleak. Nothing on the walls except my white board detailing the things I want to discuss in my calculus project next quarter, a few interesting topics I could use for my blog and some scribbled efficiency approximations for an ajax project that I am working on. It’s unfortunate, but women don’t get to see this side of me. Instead they choose to just be beautiful and keep their eyes on the prize – getting a doctor who will be able to buy them a huge boat so they are free to sail around the Mediterranean Sea with their crew of Spanish sailers all named raul; all with six packs; all with dark hair and muscular arms.

  • Tall Dark Handsome in SJ. Loving, Imaginative, Caring. Did I mention I’m funny?

Personals are quite dumb, lets try that again

  • Long Thick and Addicktive in SJ. Guaranteed to stretch you out in ways you didn’t know possible.

Nope, that won’t work. Lets try one last time.

  • Intelligent, Gifted, Driven man with priorities in order. Willing to adapt, but intends to stay himself.

Oh my. Something to be said about drafting eh? Yea, maybe not. The women that I am looking for aren’t reading that trash anyways. There are a million rapists and abusers on those things anyways. How would they pick me out of that crowd?

I got an email in February from a good friend of mine that I have since fallen out of contact, professing a crush that she has on me and wondering if I felt the same or was willing to work with her to possibly make something happen. I am single. I am certainly interested. Why the fuck not? We talked and talked but for some reason every time I was free she would make excuses for why she wouldn’t meet up with me. I mean… come on folks. I am the master of pouring out the chili. You cant just do it one bean at a time, like when you are going swimming, don’t go in an inch at a time. Jump in feet first and slosh the water about. It’s the only way to make any sort of change in ones life. Gradual changes always have a habit of sticking around being on hold.

Anyways, yea not talking to that woman any more. She and her red hair and curvaceous figure are forever in my mind, but I couldn’t possibly delude myself. “Women have all the power, because women have all the pussy!” I don’t know who it was that said it, but they were entirely correct. I look at this quote and see Nobel Prize in Anthropology written all over it. Women are the reason that we all exist as we do, women included. Even gay men are attracted to women. They may not like the way their labia look, but their breasts are certainly delectable.

Let me tell you about someone else…

She met me at my first job, Photo Tech at Longs Drug Store #260. I was the god send to the store, able to crank out a huge number of prints in an hour with no return. Took care of customer service and even went home on time. Longs was great. Anyways, girlie walks up and starts shooting the shit with me over the counter of the photo lab. We hit it off, she gave me her phone number and went on her way. We met up and took a walk to get to know each other, which turned into me getting to know her because for fucks sake she could talk. Well. This is where things got boring so ill hit the fast forward button to get to the meaty part of the story.

We spent a lot of time together and eventually made out. The lights went out, the petting got heavy, I turned my impreginator on and then it was over. No sex no nada. Please follow with me…

“Gahd!” she exclaimed.

“What is it…?”

“I really want to have sex.”

“So why are you discussing?”

“I just… I don’t think…”

“Whats wrong? I have a condom already open, whats the dealy?”

“Gahd… This is not going in me.”

While I cried my eyes out on her couch, she went into her room and went to sleep. I do mean sleep. I went in there and tried to get her to wake up and she played dead. I nearly stuck her just to be able to tell my friends that I had, but lucky for her I wasn’t a complete loser. The woman had never seen, or felt me naked before, or after, but I figured that she was just too scared of my … anyways, moving on.

Another one.

She was brilliant. Shockingly so. Had all her curves in the right places, but for some reason her mind wasn’t right. She always seemed to be crying if I were around, unless we were fucking and then it was all smiles and kisses. Her Creamy untanned skin was a vision of perfection and you should all be so lucky as to experience such things. She used to paint her nails, all 20, this deep auburn/burgundy red. A beautiful woman all together.

She was a very emotional woman and spent a good chunk of her time calling me and leaving messages on my voicemail about how “this bitch is trying to ruin me!” or “my boss wants me to quit!” It was really quite sad, but she was soft in all the right places and she was strong in the others. Her intelligence afforded us the ability to really get behind the superficial things and build outwards. She shared details about her future and livelihood that for one reason or another didn’t connect with mine. Her direction in life was shockingly different from mine and so … I woke up.

What is the moral of these stories? Just that I am single and that I am intending to not be some day. I don’t really know if it will be at the end of the year or at the end of my 20’s or if I am actually able to put a stamp on what it is that I want in my life because the truth Is – the physical needs of being human often set their claws into me and I am willing to throw exceptions or accept faults. Hell, if it weren’t for porn I don’t think I would be as sane as I am currently, its just really too bad that companionship with women is so difficult to come by.

Is this a truthful tale? Possibly a bunch of them? You will never know. I have been receiving a number of very influential emails though. Some how I didn’t picture my audience as being filled with Australian and german women, but you are all beautiful, thanks for the pictures Naudia. Ill help you with your website, as long as you continue sending them.