“I don’t think it means what you think it means,” ran through my mind yesterday evening as I was having the lord jammed into my throat. “[…] in fact, I’m fairly sure you mean the exact opposite of that word means when you use it like that.”

Before me, a woman in her mid to late forties vomits out a series of unrealistic and ridiculous statements about the origins of man, the lack of denominations being mentioned in the bible, no contradictions existing, the book of job being a beautiful testament to the goodness of the lord, rape is definitely not punishable by a dowry and marriage, that I am not reading the correct version of the correct version of her bible and that I owe the lord for every moment I am alive (yes, I meant the double phrasing there… please don’t spell check it.)

What an absolutely abhorrent view to hold. Rarely do I run into these zealots as often as I would like, but on my way to class I couldn’t help myself but to ask them what they think they are doing. We will get back to being humble in a moment.

I walked over to the group of god warriors and asked one of them what they are doing:

We are preaching the goodness of the lord, have you experienced his love? The deep undying love like that you share with your parents or your brother?

Absolutely not, that’s ridiculous, but it is only the beginning of the travesty that was this evening. My responses seemed to wiz past their ears as bricks don’t often do to windows, although their arguments and the windows shared a lot in common.

What do you mean? Why? What makes you believe that? Why on earth would you believe that? Where does the bible say that? Why would you believe the bible over any of the rest of the books? How do you know that? Why? Why? Why?

Believe me, I tried. We were going at it for about 20 minutes and I was about as close to rapid fire as is possible with that “Why” word.

Have you tried getting down on your knees and asking the lord to show himself to you?


Did you have a pure heart when you did it?

And so it went, until I really stepped on their toes when I bared my teeth:

So, let me get this straight, you believe that the lord is omnipotent, omnipresent and omnibenevolent, correct?


And yet, your only evidence for his existence is that he crept into you during the night a while back and that he wrote the bible? You don’t think that is a bit of a dubious claim? As an intellectually interested person how on earth are you able to say that you know anything and can discern the difference between that and drugs?

Look Bob, all you have to do is be humble and accept him into your heart and you will be better off for it. You don’t have the power to stop your heart, nor do you have the power to control your breathing, but your creator does.

My parents?

God. God created you, and he created you as you are, so lets pray for you.

[The lady prayed for a while]

You should thank god for every step you take, every breath you take, every moment your heart beats. Were it not for his mercy none of this would occur. Were it not for his eternal mercy for your soul you would be meaningless.

You have, in one sentence, devalued all of human accomplishment. It is not through god’s grace that I work full time and go to school full time. God is not with the children drowning after an insane tsunami washes them out to sea. That is by far one of the most heart breaking things I have ever heard in my life. How do you believe in god?

I don’t believe in god, I know god.

The conversation quickly ran aground here. Suffice to say that I was not swayed and in spite of the four people praying for me, I have yet to be visited by the holy spirit. But then again, tomorrow is a new day.