Bella and The Bog Beast!

This morning, Captain Bellissimo went on an adventure!

Immediately after Mommy left for work, Bella got a bee in her bonnet

I want to go on an adventure! Lira, come with me!

Lira, with a mentality more like her father than her mother, decided that Bella was stupid and wouldn’t dare go on an adventure without prior approval from daddy, a back pack of her favorite Plum™ treats, at least four bottles of formula, a baggy of cheerios and a rope.

Bella is more like her mother – Rambunctious, and a free spirit.  She is much more interested in going out into the world with little more than a sharp spoon. She likes the wild side.

Bella nosed around the edges of their confines, and found a cave. 

Lira, look – it’s somewhere we have never gone, and this looks an awful lot like a place that daddy has told us not to go to, in one of his outbursts that usually results in him telling us about how much he thinks we are ridiculous and how much he wishes we could speak English. Clearly, parents both wanted us to go this way!

Yay, freedom!

Lira rolled her eyes.

That’s fucking stupid Bella, clearly if they wanted us to go that way they would have laid more of those soft mats and put cheerios along that road. Surely you know this.

But it was too late. Bella was gone. Lira continued trying to eat her hand.

Bella looked around the cave, which oddly looked a lot like the back of the couch, and it was open on the top. There were wild dust bunnies and a light in a far off land. She braved the shadows and trudged forward.

She came to the land of Dining, where chairs and cheerios are plentiful.

Lira! You would love this place!

Bella called back, over the couch.

No, I wouldn’t. I don’t like daddy being disappointed in me, you enjoy it too much, that’s why you scratch his face so frequently, and refuse to fall asleep when its time to go to sleep, and …

Lira’s response from the other side of the couch was cut off

Oh, shut your face, Daddy loves me more than you, that’s why he holds me so much longer!

Actually, that’s because he cant get you to stop screaming bloody murder until he has decided to wager his sanity. I know, I’ve heard him offer it to Thor, and Zeus, and …

Yea, yea, yea. Remind me not to talk to you about adventures again.

Bella looked around at the mighty trunks of the table, pulled herself up and looked around her new Palace of Dadadadada dweeeeeeee hahahahaha, as she calls it now. This would be where her first vacation house will be.

Further she trudged.

Next she found the land of Linoleum and dog bowls! This land was slick, a bit cool to the touch and clearly very exciting. So much has yet to be baby proofed, so much to get into and ruin! =D

Bella quickly found the only bowl of water in the house, and splashed in it, with one hand.

Lira, you would love this place!

Bella called back from the kitchen.

No I wouldn’t. Daddy has told us both never to go into the kitchen, its dangerous and there are monsters there. Come back and lets eat our hands together, like friends.

You are so milquetoast its not even funny. Fuck your stupid face.



Where did you hear that word?

I just made it up, it means cheerio eating baby that only likes to listen to daddy.

Don’t call me that!

Well, maybe if you were a little more interested in adventure and getting out to enjoy the country side I wouldn’t have to.

Bella took things up a notch, bringing both hands down into the bowl with a large arc, toppling the bowl of water over and catapulting water all over the room.

Yay! Bath time! We love bath time.

Bella decided to take a victory lap around the kitchen, dragging her knees and hands through dog water and when she found her self coming to the end of her lap… she spotted the back yard door.

The door was easily Ninety thousand billion million thousand trillion centipeters tall, which roughly equals a 7-8 foot door, and it was wide open. Typically this is left open for dogs to go through because they go into the back yard to get away from Grandma and to pee pee on tree trees.

I bet Magbum the Dog is out there! Lets go to his land and see his palace of poops!

Through the gigantor door, and onto the step, she gazed out into the crisp morning air – freedom, and poops! Down one step, and then another, onto the cool concrete pad that parents like to stand on and discuss important things like the Rusha / U-Crane or hummus / Ishreal situations!

This is amazing! Where is Magbum? Lira, you would love this place!

She sat up, looking back through the door, waiting for a response, but none came. An odd silence had descended over her, as long as we ignore all of the bugs and birds and trucks and the hot tub and the air conditioner, and neighbors talking and other dogs barking, of course. Come to think of it, not really that quiet.

Oh well, guess Ill go over here and mine craft it up! =D

Hey Dog! Magbum! Where are you?

Bella crawled and crawled, for what felt like seconds, or maybe a minute, Over concrete and brick, past what could only be described as the most delicious of poops and bruised lemons, when before here stood a monolith.

Hey! I remember parents taking me swimming in that thing. I really enjoy swimming!

She came to the edge of the Hot Tub. I mean, well, not really the edge, the thing is a good three feet tall, and Bella isn’t exactly the smart one in the family, so removing the cover wouldn’t have been much of an option, let alone lifting it, because she isn’t very strong either… really she was about 3 feet from the stairs.

Up came a rabid daddy!

What in the fucking fuck are you fucking doing out here?! Don’t you know what it means to be incarcerated!? If there was a god I wouldn’t mind her smiting you right now. Why the hell weren’t you playing with your fucking sister?!

But dad! I was about to go swimming!

Like hell.

Daddy gracefully swooped Bella up into his arms, making sure not to shake her or squeeze her too tightly, although, his adrenaline had been running for about 10 minutes at this point and he may have popped one of her eyes out, on accident. Some super glue was enough to put her back together though.

Daddy stomped her all the way back through her tiny adventure. What seemed like a 20 year journey earlier was over in about 20 seconds,

Daddy you are so fast! Why don’t you enjoy the little things in life? Look, that’s Dog’s bowl!

Bella was soaked, but otherwise well connected to the rest of her body parts and not very soiled, which is surprising considering how dirty mommy’s feets get from walking through the house and out in the back yard.

After the daddy cleaned up Bella he put her down with Lira and went to work cleaning up the house.

Lira! You wont believe where I’ve been! The world is so immense and fantastic! I even saw that hot tub we swam in like 7 years ago!

Oh yea? Well, i saw daddy running around like a mad man trying to find your stupid face. Why do you like him being so upset?

Because he is a fat man and someone has to get him to move =D

And move she definitely made him, this day.